The 4 Characteristic I Would Like To Nurture In My Childern

The 4 characteristics I would like to nurture in my children. Curiosity, Resourcefulness, Resilience and Empathy

Resilience and Empathy

My wife and I are having our first child in June and the idea of becoming a father has inspired me to reflect, research and begin to shape our principles of parenting.  Principles because it would be naive to think we are going to have a rigid set of rules for parenting.  Rather a set of principles that can serve as a guide for our interactions with our children.   

Recently, I read the Yes Brain by Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson which I came across when googling 'how to raise resourceful, resilient and curious kids'.  The authors go in depth on four areas Balance, Insight, Curiosity and Empathy that are key to nurturing Yes Brain children.  This book is deeply rooted in research and highlights our role as parents in helping our children grow the capacity of their upper brain.  This is the part of the brain that regulates emotion.  Children with strong emotional awareness and capacity become Yes Brain adults.  This upper brain which controls our emotion  needs to be exercised and grown with the help of a child's parents. 

There is a lot of great 'how to' in this book.  My main takeaways are; to encourage children to express emotion not repress or hide them, help them get insight into why they are feeling these emotions not just be a player but also be a spectator, and building emotional capacity in them leads to resilience and empathy for others.

Resourcefulness

I read an article recently that quoted Jeff Bezos "my wife says I would rather have a kid with 9 fingers than a resourceless kid".  The article goes on to say that he let his kids play with knives at 4 and power tools at 7 or 8.  He says that it allow them to take risk and be self-reliant.  It enables them to be resourceful which he believes is a key trait in life and business.

The question I had for myself was how to nurture resourceful children without just giving them a knife or a power tool.  An article in the Chicago Tribune titled 10 ways to use design thinking to raise resourceful children attempts to answer that question.  In particular the idea of embracing different ways of solving a problem and inspiring children to create.  As a design thinking practitioner I use design thinking methods and techniques to inspire business teams to come up with new ideas to solve challenges, this article helps make the connection to parenting. 

Curiosity 

Curiosity I believe is at the foundation of creativity.  Curiosity is an amazing trait that can go a long way in life.  Being a professional consultant, some of the best consultants I know are the most curious.  They seek to gain a deep understanding of an organization's people, culture, context, strengths, opportunities, challenges and barriers.  This PBS article identifies three tips to raise curious kids:

1. Let's Explore - encourage make believe, get outside and hunt for treasures
2. Look It Up - we have powerful computers in our hands take a second and look it up.  I am hoping to put learning into context by looking it up but also finding a way to discover it through a museum or a trip.  
3. Ask An Expert - "help your curious child see that we are surrounded by experts who are willing to share their knowledge."

Does Personal Interaction Matter?

What % of discussion about a brand, product or service happens through Word of Mouth (WOM)?

Would you believe 93% according to a study by the KelleyFay Group. WOM, also known as offline, has actually increased 3% over the last time the study was conducted according to a Spike Jones's article.

I recently attended the 2011 Brand Camp U  at Wayne State University in Detroit.  One of the dynamic speakers, Spike Jones, unraveled what is involved in developing and cultivating a personal or organizational 'Identity' (he uses identity instead of brand so people don't associate his discussion with a logo).  Armed with data from studies like the one produced by the KelleyFay Group, Spike Jones revealed that most decisions about an Identity (brand) are made offline and happening so at a growing rate.

Why?  Let's use a consumer product example.  When Kim Kardashian endorses a product like Shape Ups, are consumers really duped into believing that Kim rocks those alien saucier shaped shoes to mold her curvaceous figure everywhere she goes?  Hardly!  More and more people desire to pre-validate the product, service or person before jumping in.  Is the product, service or person credible?  Isn't validation much stronger when it comes from someone we know personally rather than an indifferent star or a self promoting ad?  How much more likely are you to trust the product, service or person if your friend recommends it?

Although Spike's speech was directed toward Identity and the role of WOM in validating Identity, it is the this word of mouth, in person, offline interaction that is the foundation of a concept I have been mulling over for some time. Not only does this in person, word of mouth concept relate to an identity validation -in the sense of product, service or person- it also has a greater potential. Real interaction, statistically, is relevant again and I believe the foundation of innovation and change. We are in the process of rediscovering its importance. In the age of social media and social networks, we have experienced the decentralization and virtualization of community. This is contrary to the human's innate desire for two things that are characteristics of communities:

1. The ability to be part of something bigger than ourselves
2. The opportunity for human and personal interaction

I believe that real change and innovation occurs through collaboration created by in person and personal relationships.  In the video below, Steven Johnson explores the cultivation of ideas through collaboration in person but also through exchange of information and ideas via technology and the convergence of these two:

Social media has helped facilitate collaboration but can it or will it ever replace the collaboration of individuals in real time and real space--the creation and validation of ideas in real, tangible, physical communities? I leave you with an example of the convergence of personal community and supported by social media; the Arab Spring. Twitter and social media played a critical role in the changed that occurred and is occurring across North Africa and the Middle East but without people turning out in squares in person, banding together for change in the face of dangerous opposition, there would have been no change.

Why Ask Why?

Why Ask Why?

Short in stature but tall in ideas, I heard and watched Josh Linkner expand on the topic of creativity, innovation and solving real problems by challenging the norm and asking why or why not? As he stated in his presentation, the only way to address real problems is to not accept the way things are but challenge the everyday norm to solve real problems and make life better or easier for humanity- breaking everyday paradigms.  Innovation comes from solving a problem with a unique solution.  This can be easier said than done.

Five Times is All it Takes

Mr. Linkner also highlighted a methodology to aid in break through ideas.  The methodology that all those trained in an engineering discipline are taught as part of an engineering dogma, the 5 Whys? The method; when there is a challenge or to breakout of an established routine, start asking 'Why?'.   After the fifth 'Why', like an archaeologist uncovering a hidden treasure, you excavate the root cause or the real challenge.  At that point you are able to define, design and develop a solution.  This method was originally developed by Sakichi Toyoda, the founder of Toyota, and is used extensively by Toyota Motor Company.    

Toothbrush and Toothpaste: a Doomed Matrimony

My recent 'Why':  Why do we have two separate and unique items, inextricably used to perform a common daily and critical task? Brushing our pearly whites is an almost involuntary habitat for some and a necessary but detested morning task for others.  Both items the toothbrush and toothpaste are wedded but rarely come packaged together.  Furthermore, they are always purchased on separate runs to the local grocery story or pharmacy.  Without one you can't brush your teeth.  What if we had a mildly abrasive, anti-bacterial dough, paste or gum, with a hint of fluoride that you chew for 5 minutes in the morning and in the evening or when ever you want?  Why not one item instead of two?  Could this solve the problem of not having toothpaste when you have the toothbrush or forgetting one of the two items on a weekend trip out of town?

"A good question beats a good answer"

To borrow a quote from Polly LaBarre's blog in the Harvard Business review by Alan Webber Co-Founder of Fast Company magazine "A good question beats a good answer".  Further supporting the idea that questions and the thoughtful composure of a challenging question is an art form and can result in breakthroughs.  Ms. LaBarre makes three solid points:

1. "Questions are a powerful antidote to hubris". This is especially common in my profession as a consultant, we are expected and rewarded for having answers. There is a real vulnerability required in asking questions. We fear this vulnerability and the humility required to ask big questions but without big questions we stifle opportunities for creativity and innovation.
2. "The best questions are the bedrock of all change and creativity".  Like Josh stated in his presentation innovation and creativity comes from questioning.  
3. "Asking good questions trades control for contribution".  Questions create uncharted pathways where the destination is unknown.  Like an expedition through a new land if we had the answer we would never discover.       

Change Your Words to Change the World

Finally, this video is about changing our perspective on how we see things and how we relay ideas or questions.  The winner of the 2008 Cannes Festival best short story, Alonso Alvarez Barreda video "Historia De Un Letrero" (the English translation - The Story of a Sign) depicts...well just check it out.  Josh shared a similar version but in English (Scottish - English) during his presentation.